3. You think he’s not “really” abusing you.

Many women believe that what is happening to them isn’t abuse because they aren’t being punched in the face. In reality, abuse constitutes as so much more. Jealousy and possessiveness, for example, are one of the most common signs of abuse. Others include controlling behavior, a sense of superiority to you, extreme mood swings, manipulating you, punishing you, not having his actions match his words, abusing past women or animals, and being unwilling to seek help for his own actions.

2. You think he needs you.

This goes with thinking you can change him. Maybe he claims that he can’t live without you; that you are what keeps him alive for some reason. Maybe he threatens to kill himself if you won’t stay with him. These are scare tactics to manipulate and control you. “Manipulators are effective at trapping women,” says Marie Hartwell-Walker, ED.D. “They say they will commit suicide and it will be all your fault. They are masters at making you feel guilty even when you don’t have a clue what you are guilty for.” What he does to himself if not your responsibility. It is not your fault. If you fear for his safety, you can call 911 and inform them of a possible suicide attempt.

1. You don’t believe you deserve better.

This was perhaps the saddest reason that I found. How can any person—woman, man, child, anyone—believe that they deserve being abused, controlled, called horrible names, or mistreated otherwise on a daily basis? No one deserves such treatment. No one has to stand for it, either, at least in our country. (No one should have to stand for it in any country; unfortunately, the laws governing how wives are able to be treated by their husbands vary in many countries.)

I have to wonder if women who think like this believe that other women deserve such treatment, too. Would they wish it on their friends, sisters, daughters? I don’t believe they would, so it’s hard for me to understand why they would think this about themselves. I suppose it’s like anything else in life—if you’re told something over and over enough, you might start to believe it—which is why getting away from the person who continues to tell you how awful you are is the best thing to do in order to stop such thinking.