You’ve seen it before. You may have even experienced it yourself. A friend or other loved one is in a relationship with a real piece of work. This is a guy who constantly disrespects her, treats her badly, calls her horrible things, and maybe even physically abuses her. She makes excuses for him when he wants to control everything she does, insults her in front of her friends, or leaves marks that makeup cannot conceal.

You try to get her to leave him with everything you have in you. You care about her so much that you wish you could just pluck up the jerk and put him in another country so she won’t even be tempted to be with him. But you can’t change her (just like she can’t change him—but more about that later.) She has to want to change herself.

But why does she even want to stay with such a person in the first place, you constantly wonder. If put in that same situation, you think that you would instantly say, “Um, no way, dude, I’m out.” Of course, we never know how we will react to a specific situation until we are in another person’s shoes. That said, there are several reasons psychologists say that women stick around with jerks. Here are ten of them.

10. You’re in it for the kids.

Many of these relationships last because there are children involved. Of course, the scary thing is that while women believe they are doing something in the best interest of their children, they are doing quite the opposite. They are not only putting themselves and their children in danger (whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise), they are setting an example for their children to learn and emulate as adults themselves—leading them to either become abusive, accept abuse in relationships themselves, or both. Certainly no one wants this for their children.

9. You are in love.

Many women also cite this reason when asked why they put up with someone’s behavior. Like my mother always told me, however, “You have to love yourself before you can ever really love someone else.” And if you allow someone to degrade you, treat you like dirt, or harm you in any way, are you really loving yourself?

8. You are afraid of being alone.

Let’s face it. Being lonely can really suck. While many people who’ve spent time alone learning about themselves and really spending quality time with their own person rather than someone else enjoy it, the fear of being alone still permeates the minds of most humans. Some women would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone. 

Continue to Part II